Jun 21TiK ToKA silent rage to the Samuel L. Jacksons of the world — Some people have their lives planned out from the age of 5 knowing they want to be a vet or a firefighter. Some people have a Pinterest board as a teenager of exactly what they plan for their wedding. …Writing4 min read
Jun 9I Feel The Earth MoveChange is inevitable, except from a vending machine — As a boho dressed, Cheeto fake tanned, wavy haired Meryl Streep perfectly said “ D’you feel it? The earth moved darling” and it did… Both literally and metaphorically. And I could sit here and belatedly write about how the ground rumbled like the cookie monster’s stomach, seemingly seconds away from…Writing4 min read
Jun 3, 2021Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!The DOMS of 2020 — We’ve all been there, you wake up in the morning, bleary eyed but ready to start the day. You go to sit up, nothing happens except the yelp that escapes you as you wonder whether the bogeyman stabbed you in you sleep. You try to push yourself up with your…Writing7 min read
Jan 2, 2021Battle ScarsAn eternal reminder that we survived — I want to take you back to 1994, where my birth was only the 2nd best thing to happen to the world. Outdone only by the release of the one and only Forrest Gump, one of the most quotable movies out there. …Writing7 min read
Sep 7, 2020Girl Behind the MaskI hope you appreciate your gold plated coffin cause no one else will be here to. — I AM VICTORIAN. I’m going to preface this by saying: If you think we are in a dictatorship or you are someone who chooses to attend protests, you probably shouldn’t read this blog. …Writing6 min read
Jul 25, 2020Caught With Your Pants DownJust because you can f**k a shark, doesn’t mean you should! — Sooo… It’s been a while, nearly 3 months in fact since my last blog! Some people are able to create content from thin air (where’s my fairy god mother when I need her), me… I need inspiration, and the same 4 walls, windows and ceiling I have been staring at…Writing5 min read
Mar 29, 2020Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again?Honest? Yes. Offensive? Probably. A bit of light-hearted fun? Definitely! — When I first thought about writing a blog about Corona Virus over 2 weeks ago, it was going to be the third addition to my Never Go Full Retard Series. It was going to be a heartfelt letter to the original f*ckwit who looked at a bat and thought ‘mmm…Writing7 min read
Mar 14, 2020ScarWhen s**t hits the fan, be proud of the skid marks left on your clothes! — When we are in primary school, we are all taught about the primary (blue, red and yellow) and secondary colours. …Writing6 min read
Feb 14, 2020Crazy Little Thing Called LoveRed Hearts, Red Roses and Red Flags… A Sceptic’s View on Valentine’s Day — February 14th - Valentines Day… Or as I like to call it, the most cringeworthy day of the year. For as long as I can remember, I‘ve been the Grinch of Valentine’s Day… Stealing Cupid’s arrows and replacing them tranquiliser darts… Still not getting it?…Humor6 min read
Feb 10, 2020Let’s Get PhysicalYou Can’t Polish a Turd! — Anyone who hasn’t been living under a rock since 2006 would be well aware of the TV show Bondi Rescue. An unapologetically accurate and generally humorous representation of ‘tourists’ whose five minutes of fame didn’t exactly showcase their finest moments. Now imagine, that you are that tourist, you are caught…Writing4 min read
