Caught With Your Pants Down
Sooo… It’s been a while, nearly 3 months in fact since my last blog! Some people are able to create content from thin air (where’s my fairy god mother when I need her), me… I need inspiration, and the same 4 walls, windows and ceiling I have been staring at for basically the last 4 months really hasn’t been doing it for me.
Coming from Victoria, we are currently regarded the outcasts of Australia (and not the ‘cool’ band that brought us hits like Hey Ya, Roses and Ms. Jackson), we are the black sheep ** if you will, the bad apple rejected from the rest of the country… Persevering through not one but two lockdowns. The lyrics of Big Yellow Taxi ringing true that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone… Now having our freedom taken away for a second time which was definitely harder than the first, all thanks in part to a couple of horny security guards who couldn’t keep it in their pants.
Like really, how desperate do you have to be to sleep with people who are QUARANTINED WITH A DEATHLY DISEASE?!? It’s literally like being offered the opportunity to f**k a shark and going “eh, what’s the worst that could happen?”! Seriously, if it didn’t have an affect on the rest of the state… I’d be all for it, letting natural selection REALLY play its role.
But never the less, here we are 1/3 of the way through Lockdown 2.0 with the memory of normality a distant blur. Our clothes are all fitting a little tighter, we’re all a little paler (and probably vitamin D deficient), everything has become a little blurry from all the screen time and pants have very much become optional (please ensure you have your pants buddy to remind you that pants ARE required post COVID, as your bosses will not appreciate you rocking up to meetings in your tighty-whities). Netflix binges have become regular (which by definition, no longer makes them a binge) and dating apps are more like window shopping where you look but never actually go in to see if you like it. Most of us are alcoholics and online drinking parties have become the norm (but hey, at least I don’t have to worry about getting home after a big night with the gang). Effectively, we are all in a state similar to that of a very fresh break up, never leaving the house, lots of chocolate and wine… All whilst letting ourselves go (kind of sad when you put it that way…)
Personally, the longer the lockdown lasts the harder it has been getting. But there is one thing that is getting me through. I want you to close your eyes and imagine (don’t actually close your eyes… Unless someone is reading this aloud to you like a bed time story… Which is also very weird and you should probably stop) how special this will be. You are with a group of friends (whom you’ve missed seeing (or at least seeing the bottom half of) and appreciate more than ever) or even with a group of strangers at the pub or nightclub once all of this is over. It could be in a month, it might be in the summer, maybe it will be NYE as we say goodbye to this horrid year once and for all.
You’re dancing, singing, chatting, drinking and then all of a sudden the subtle tones of Australia’s 2nd National Anthem start to play in the background. Everyone stops what they are doing and share THE look (you know the one), we know it is time. The music begins to build… Everyone (whether friend or stranger) link, holding the shoulders of their neighbour. The background music is coming to a roar and as one in unison you sing the chorus to HORSES… you don’t know why but the circle is swaying side to side (is it the music or have we all drunk a little too much?). We come to the crescendo and together, everyone locks eyes with someone else in the circle smiling from ear to ear and belts “AND IF YOU FALL, I’LL PICK YOU UP, PICK YOU UP”! For the first time, this song actually means something to us rather than simply belting it out because it’s a “bloody tuuuuuuuuuuuune mate”, it signifies that we made it… It wasn’t easy, but we made it. Together.
And then the clock strikes midnight and we move into a new, fresh, hopefully less traumatic year. Part of me wishes that the fireworks would act as an MiB neuralyzer and we could all forget that this year ever happened. But the other part of me wishes that none of us forget this year for the rest of our days. A year that made everyone appreciate what we have, the little things… The freedom of going wherever you wanted whenever you wanted, a coffee and the paper on a Sunday morning, seeing your friends and family, the clean air we can usually breath in without the need for a mask or simply the readily available access to… TOILET PAPER. How easy life has actually previously been, when we thought times were tough. The silver linings of more people exercising… Going for walks together (even if it is because it’s one of the only reasons you can leave the house), kids going outside to play and ride their bikes instead of spending hours in front of a screen, finding out which friends really care about you and strengthening those friendships through these tough times as well as everyone’s new found ability to bake bread.
As Robert H Schuller once said “tough times never last, but tough people do”, everyone is going through their own battles whether they are mental, physical or economic but it will end, we will get through this… And when we do, I’ll be waiting with a bev, a hug, my loudest singing voice and hopefully… A pair of pants.
** I was worried about using this term, but after some research, the origin of this term literally comes from farmers who breed sheep for their wool, so breeding a black sheep is detrimental to them as the black wool cannot be sold as easily as it cannot be dyed.
