I Feel The Earth Move
As a boho dressed, Cheeto fake tanned, wavy haired Meryl Streep perfectly said “ D’you feel it? The earth moved darling” and it did… Both literally and metaphorically.
And I could sit here and belatedly write about how the ground rumbled like the cookie monster’s stomach, seemingly seconds away from swallowing us up in a final ‘hurrah’ or ‘f**k you’ (depending on which way you wanted to look at it) following what seemed like an eternity in Covid lock downs.
But fear not, while the image of a giant cookie monster eating our planet like a cookie is an amusing image, there is more to this blog than that. A bit more depth if you will… Orrrrrr at least as much depth as this shit-talker is capable of anyway.
I’ve never been good with change, my OCD tendencies have meant that a highlighter out of its colour order or a plate not stacked in the right size order has always been like sunlight to a vampire. But, whether you like it or not the only permanent thing in life, is change… And you have to deal with it, grow with it and allow the decisions to build the path for your future.
If I’d written this blog 6 months ago, I would have been writing a very different story… One of hope and excitement for the future. I had just graduated from my physiotherapy degree and was looking at the plethora of opportunities in front of me, I was looking at moving in with my boyfriend and a best friend and had moved basketball teams for a fresh start with a great group of girls!
Fast forward a couple of months, where in the space of a week my relationship ended, I was back living permanently with my parents, I broke my ankle and suddenly this big wide world that was once my oyster is suddenly looking extremely overwhelming. Suddenly the anxiety pops up again like watching a child doing a colour by numbers and seeing the crayon (almost in slow-mo) cross the lines over and over again… Which is as painful to the eyes as nails down a chalkboard is to the ears.
4 months later and we’re at the present day… Is the sun shining? No. Are the birds singing? Also no. But that could have a lot to do with it being the coldest and most wet start to winter we have had in decades. Is the sun however starting to peep out from behind the clouds? Yes. Are there rainbows in the sky when the rain clears? Also yes. I’d be lying if I said that it hasn’t been tough, it’s taken everything for me not to quit! And it’s funny how day by day nothing seems to change, but when you look back everything is different!
I now have a puppy that brings joy to my life every single day, I’m seeing someone to finally get help with something I have dealt with by myself for way too long, I have medication and specialists for health issues I never knew I had, I’m back playing basketball with a group of people that genuinely care and support me and bring a smile to my face each week. I’ve finally prioritised myself, taking the time to get myself right before throwing myself into the next thing. Giving me time to truly work out what I want to do and creating goals for my future.
So here I am, maybe starting to realise that change isn’t all that bad. That maybe that earthquake did shake everything up both literally and metaphorically and that while it might be raining right now, you can’t get a rainbow without a little rain.
I saw this quote recently and I think it perfectly relates to my life at the moment, but also describes the way I want to live my life from now on:
“I am trying to see things in perspective. My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter chocolate chip bagel. I know [he] cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. My dog does not understand this. [He] pouts and wraps [himself] around my legs like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me to give [him] just a tiny bit. When I do not give in, [he] eventually gives up and lays in the corner, under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dog’s. When I want something with my whole being, and the universe withholds it from me, I hope the universe thinks to herself: “Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt.”
So here’s to me learning, to growing and to realising that life is like underwear… And change is good!
